I don't know if I should actually write this post or not. I mean I am confused I sometimes think I like Shrirang but sometimes I think I don't know. I am confused if I actually actually like him or just the idea of him. Hope I am not painting the perfect picture of him in my mind and the reality is completely different.
And sometimes my mind still wanders and starts thinking of RJ. But I am not committed to anyone so its not wrong. I mean sometimes I still think of meeting RJ just to confirm and also to get rid of the pieces of the broken dream which I had built unknowingly.
My friends think that RJ's story is over it but I want to prove myself that I am worthy enough to work in any FAANG companies and I was worthy enough to date him. Might be at that time I did feel actually bad. Now I actually don't care I take an experience meeting people and take motivation from them. Shrirang is actually special because he is the first guy I actually met else I was just talking to people. RJ I don't know him so its all about rosy picture which I crafted in my mind.
I am afraid to get married actually because I want to marry someone if I really love someone not just of sake of marriage or I don't mind waiting. Because I can still buy my own house and decorate and adopt the cute lil girl and go on vacations with her or my sissy. Actually I don't need anyone so why to invite unhappiness. The guy with whom I am not happy and not content I am definitely not going to date or marry for sure.
But one thing I know for sure my love and marriage wouldn't be dragged for long in the dating and knowing phase for sure. I mean everything in my life it just happens when I least expects the things to work out. I mean if I will meet someone then the things will work out so smoothly and fast that how we would get married even that I won't know.
But one thing which would actually add some brownie points for any guy if he actually tries to adjust for me rather than just expecting like a typical guy to just expect girls to adjust on her career. But even though we are in 21st century I feel only girls have to make adjustments. I like someone who is different, weird, special in off course in a nice way.
Now that I am looking for switch I am thinking of moving to California. Because I will get lots of option to switch without thinking of moving my house again and roaming all states around. And I can create my own sweet home my space. I don't mind even if its the condo its my dream to have an house of my own.
My parents think that I should start looking for jobs in Seattle but I don't want to actually atleast till the point I am not committed. Me being single I still think California is the wise choice for now.
One thing I am actually worried is about our profession . Because now his career is at the peak and my career is just beginning. For me its time to enjoy a bit and work but for him it won't be possible. And when its possible for him then my career would be at peak. Not sure if's the good or bad thing.
Sometimes I just feel like talking to him all the concerns and worries which I have in relationship but then I don't want to tag myself as over analyzer. What I dream about is having small cute family where there is understanding in the relationship and not just one of them is understanding it should be from both sides, then have cute house and twins :) Small vacations with my family, solo ones and also with friends. Me being famous, renowned as entrepreneur or just some individual who has made an significant impact on the society like Linus Torvalds. I just don't want to have normal boring life something special and interesting in nice way my story should be :)
