Relationships, confusion and unpredictabilty

I talked to Devika on phone for almost 2.30 hours regarding my car, relationships and she told me to directly call & ask him than sticking to text which off course I couldn't do. I know she will definitely ask me about what happened next. 

I had asked him about when he would come to India so that at least I would be done with it but then now I don't think he will come on my dates of India so I think I should move on. 

I hate unpredictability in my life, I like to take reigns of my life in my hand not on somebody's hand. And I think all guys from my community are assholes seriously yes. Disappointing I know. But I think I give importance to a lot of people and not on what I actually want. That's what I want someone like my sister does solve my confusion. I am a most confused soul in relationships and of course in other things too. But I know I all make mistakes but would ultimately find the way out and not sit idly and just doing nothing because that's not me. Thank god I did masters and met all relationship gurus (my friends) which actually does matter in life because I know how cheap few guys are especially of my community. And so they helped to understand the ultimate truth which led me actually think deeper and come up with the list.

Qualities of who I think will be perfect in importance order:

(According to me)

- Who is open-minded and is not shallow    

- Who is weird and thinks different and believe in "Survival of fittest" law

- Name starts with R

- Likes red

- Born and brought up in Maharashtra or anywhere else than Karnataka or Goa but have roots in Karnataka/Goa  (purpose is to filter out all typical mindset ones)

I know it's very difficult  to find  anyone with my first very important quality " Who is open-minded and not shallow " so I think finding someone with all the above qualities is over-ambitious. 

(According to my parents)
- Traditional mindset
- Family should be rich, very well educated so that they could flaunt about
- Guy should be graduated from affluent college and be in good company

I disagree on fact 2 & 3. For 1st point I am ready to adjust but only if its combined with "not shallow thoughts in the name of traditions". 

So as u see the major difference in thought process of me and my parents and so I have decided to be the driver of my life than my parents.

When u get ur license & car on the same day :D

I think I got the car which I was looking. The decision I took was spontaneous though. I mean I got new car within my budget and that too in red my fav color. Though I had some issues and was regretting for some time for getting that car because of some issues. But then I was thankful that I was in some problem so only I got good discount.

You just have to wait for the perfect right moment and everything falls into place. Key thing is don't rush but just don't wait for too long. If you like it just get it and if you don't it happens for a reason.

All software jobs are mundane there is nothing new we work to get paid not because we really love to work. I mean what I did in past year is fixing bugs and writing code of just few lines and I hate it. I mean that too of some nets, ports, switches, clock, resets which I don't even care. And I don't give a shit if I improve some message structure I mean I liked the work I did in my past office I got to work from scratch here they expect so much to work on and in interviews they ask about all new technology and what they give us shitty code of some 90s. Half of the time goes in finding why this is written in this way and should I really remove it and add another?   I need to move out of this country, because then I can work on things which I love. Here the problem lies in all visa and stuff.

My emotions are in whirlpool sometimes I am so high and sometimes I am low sometimes I am too happy and sometimes I am wreck. But that's the life. My mom is diagnosed with osteoporosis which is not so severe but I am scared and worried. Ideal thing is to move back to India but I am not dared enough to move back and start again new. My manager is pilling up too many things and now I am thinking never to give Zhengang to review the code. How come he takes out so many other test scenarios which takes so much of my time just to justify that the default behavior and I can't do anything to change it. Its the learning phase seriously? 

Today I gave my learners driving test & I got it perfectly right hmm little bit somewhat cautious  but passed my test in first go :) My driving life is perfectly set now I have to move to my professional life. Personal life especially my travel can wait for a bit.

Small small things matter

Today I didn't do something extra ordinary just asked my friend to come along for drive. I wanted to feel the thrill to drive on busy roads. I almost drove around for 2 hours on some unknown road with my rented car, then invited her to have Misal Pav (yummy na it was my lunch). Then watched Marathi movie based on cyber crime on my home screen projector. Talked on random topics. This is simple life which I really enjoy. First I was not sure if she would be willing to come but was surprised when she agreed. Then I came to know that people just return favors. When I was child I remember reading the story about one help can multiply I think its true. She told that her friends had helped her in initial days and she wanted to return that favor. My sister is right everyone in this world are gray shaded people. What I am really afraid of being alone in this vast world. My sister is what I need or some like-minded people surrounding me. I don't know what I will do without her, whole world at one side and my sister at other side.

I am still deciding at which car to buy Subaru, Volkwagen, Honda are my options. Toyota I am avoiding because my friend has the same car. Subaru is my first option because its all wheel drive and the perfect size of the car which I want not to small not too big. Honda Accord I find it to be big and civic is not so good it doesn't have enough features for its price. I want to buy Volkswagen but most of my friends say it needs heavy maintenance. And I had the small accident with Volkswagen so was not keen later due to the fear. My sister says that I will finally buy Subaru because that's what I have thought and still I will search all the cars and finally buy what I had decided at first.

I think every women should be independent. I love independent me a lot. My friend tells me to be on back to the earth. I am starting to dream now to drive all way to the California though I didn't drive on highway yet still dreaming high. Yesterday I thought I resolved one issue but Zhengang disagreed and told that this is not the right resolution.  My last night effort is wasted so now back to square work again on fixing things. Do one high priority and low priority issue. Now its kind of competition between two issue - low and high. Let me see which one gets resolved first. I don't know why I am much happy from the time have bought this tiny car. Might be giving the sense of control.

I hate the people who are too sweet seriously I will literally gets diabetes. And I want to live long atleast till I visit all the places in the world and have my family with me. I really love my parents they know what is best for me though they act sometimes weird but its fine. 

Little happy Today

I am finally feeling so happy that I drove a rented car on proper streets without instructor to my current office though I had to tag my friend along because I can't drive looking at maps and roads simultaneously. Now I am little confident that I could drive to my new office in Burlington. Though the car is compact (FORD / FIES) its still fine. I know both my professional and personal life sucks. But at least one percent would improve by knowing how to drive. I could do lot of my solo trips being independent. Not that I am dependent on someone but just on public transport. Little more confidence is what I need.   I don't want to fail in my driving test. Its not that I am afraid to fail its just that I can't take chance. I need to get my new car and drive to new office and I don't have any option.

I think even professional life would improve because I could save 2 hours of my daily commute, can have breakfast, could go on trails to boost up my energy level, attend various workshops, I could  at least think of moving near Cambridge. This week I did pretty well in my office work though not view-able results but I am sure in next sprint I will have lot more to showcase. But still not happy with myself because I think I am not best and I am not self-satisfied. There are to many things to do and I end up doing nothing and on top of that the winter has started I m being too lazy to read and solve problems.

Chatting with a stranger

I finally constructed Ganesha Murthi and did Ganesh Pooja. This was one of my wish, I had always thought to do in my house. I would do Ganesha Pooja every year from now. It gives the feeling of happiness and calmness. It seems to be different than boring monotonous life. I know I am different but that's what I love about myself, being trendsetter and thinking out of box.  I think I love myself more than anything.

Finally he pinged me when it was the last day in DC.  It was shock for me because our parents had shared our numbers almost 3 months back. Might be because his mom had tortured him on phone. But I replied late because I had to catch early morning flight to Boston. Though it was long weekend I replied in one liners because I was so tired from the vacation then had to clean the house and construct Ganesh Murthy. Two days later I thought I should take some initiative this time because his parents and now this guy both have taken an initiative and I didn't want to sound rude.

We then started chatting everyday and we both were kind of silently making effort not to end the conversation. It was like discovering or knowing each other slowly. Hardly two three lines every day. People have rightly said that relations grow over time and they can't be built in a moment.
We did talk indirectly on one major topic of job switch. My sister feels that this is not important topic it could be managed later. But he does knows that Amazon and Walmart are the only companies who are there in major cities and we could settle in one place if we planned to go ahead with this relation further. But if asked me now I don't know I am the most pessimistic but when others are pessimistic then I turn to be more optimistic person. But he does not have negative influence atleast till now. Why it always have to happen in opposite way. Whom I thought was good turned out to be asshole and whom I hated turned out to be not bad.

Anyway I have lot many things to do first top priority is to get my driving license at any expense.

....Few days later post

Now I am able to drive well and might be I can buy a new car in first week of October even though my test is scheduled a week later.  My intuitions are always right. I knew that guy was not shy but his parents were telling he was shy and all. The thing is guys they don't call parents as frequently as we do. People just love underestimating me and that's why they don't know me well. I think I would say no because though I could chat but I didn't felt any connection. I believe in intuition and you know sometimes if something is meant to be yours you just get that feeling.  I pinged this guy twice taking an initiative its not that I am really interested. It's because I want to get it over quickly so that I can focus on my dream. Both my and his parents then would stop interrupting my goals. Worst part is keeping hanging anything. His parents are very hopeful in this relation. I don't want to keep anyone hanging. Its not that I don't want to marry at all. I want to marry whom I am really connected to. I need the person who would take time for everything and won't give such bullshit that I am very busy and all. I think no one is busy 24/7 hours and every one has time just one should know to manage the time. Might be I won't get the idol Mr.Perfect whom I have imagined but still I am hopeful. Like I got Cadence where I got like-minded team who hate war rooms loves to work alone at there pace no one is on your head. You commit and get the work done. Life is pure bliss. My sister is right I am looking for flawed person not Mr.Perfect what people generalize them as. My flawed Mr.Right is who believes in him than world who is not overconfident but confident enough to take risk in life and loves himself more than anything. I don't like timid people and also who waste there life instead enjoys life and has right balance. My experience says that I get along well with the most weirdest species born on the world well than normal folks. All girls need someone who would give them space but I need someone who is dominant. Who would challenge me in life. Saying yes in everything I say is not the someone who I really want because I know I have the power to make others follow me.