Life is hard

Life is so unusual. You date, you dream, you make efforts, and then one day at some moment you find some stupid reason to break and, then everything is repeated. 

Life is more than that sometimes I feel. Nowadays, however, the time you spend dating is not enough, actual life starts after you are married. Marriage is about how much you can keep it giving its the big task itself which should always need an effort. Its about how much you are willing to put effort into. 

I don't like anyone now actually, I am happy with myself. I sometimes feel to give my life in US and come back to India. My family needs me in their life. Good that I went to US so that I can take independent decision in my life and I am strong enough to help my family in hard times. My mom and my sister definitely need my help. 

Beginnings of November 2021

 I can't believe that it's the end of 2021 year and I am yet to find the love in my life. I mean I have met many people till the date, but there is no one which I could trust enough to accompany me on this journey.

So I am back to the search again. Meeting Fareen was good I feel I could finally make peace with the Shirang stuff she talking about the Husaifa and me with Shrirang ..my failed relationship made me realize that we shouldn't change our requirements just because last time it didn't work out. I like mature people who are not commitment-phobic trustworthy and respectful in nature who I can imagine my future.

Shrirang was commitment-phobic but had other qualities. Aditya acts sometimes immaturely but has other qualities. But I want all the qualities in the guy which is fair enough.

So my new list - mature, trustworthy, and respectful in nature. But while telling I need to tell just trustworthy, reliable, and respectful.

I still feel if things would have worked with RJ then I wouldn't have had to go through the dating process. I am actually bored with all dating and I need some break might do something else might be studying hard to switch jobs or work hard for promotion. Good that next year my home would be ready and would be busy it homely sharpening my interior decor art.

The worst is I repeatedly took bad decisions in my life. Initially, I should have convinced my parents for RJ then I should have atleast agreed to meet the guy who my parents were suggesting. Then I should have seriously considered dating Vishal instead of showing lots of attitude and ego. 

Ohh my god something good actually happened in my life .. funny thing is after every breakup I see always the hope of RJ. RJ has created the profile on the matrimony website.  Now I can stalk him :) But again I can't send him the request because his family has already denied with just stupid horoscope which I don't think that it didn't match because RJ has sun sign: Taurus and moon sign: Virgio which should have matched with my horoscope but definitely my father can't satisfy his fathers ego. 

Actually, my father is the reason I am facing difficulty in getting married. Don't consider in the wrong sense! My father is very proud of his daughters and in this marriage market I don't understand why this guys parents need lots of respect why can't they treat as equal. Because my father can't be polite for sure he is the very direct speaker which makes sometimes other people offended.

My sister believes that I should forget RJ and move ahead, but what to do I always think RJ is the best even though I haven't met him. I want to get married to RJ but my sister and my father would definitely be against me. STupid guy I feel he is ok to date someone from Canada too but not someone who stays in United States itself. I should get over him. 

I just checked my horoscope with RJs and it is matching with 21 points but stupid son and parents they don't understand my worth I feel. Maybe he is not meant to be in my life but I can't stop thinking about him. I should move ahead but I want to try finally the 55-5 manifestation technique and check if we are truely meant or not else I will move ahead.  

My friends say that you should directly contact him but its not easy. I could have done that if we were not related. But in this case I haven't met him, his father just denied looking at the patrika and I am 100% sure that my patrika matches so seriously they don't want to consider me. I am not sure if it was RJ or his father. If it was RJ then I will seriously look like despo, if it was his father and if RJ didn't know then it was a different case altogether. But again if RJ tells his father then if my parents would know they would definitely yell at me. 

Know I am confused if I should contact RJ or not. I mean instead of making efforts and sacrifices to date someone out of my caste and making all such adjustments I feel that I should date RJ instead because I had actually liked him. Sometimes I feel why to search at all stupid sites than simply contact R.J and then let him decide if he wants to date or not.

Beginnings of October 2021

While walking, as usual, today in the evening, I was lost in thoughts of my code and was mentally visualizing what approach should I take to solve the problem and someone waved at me.  When I looked at the person, it was kind of a shocker! Guess who I met?  I met Maulik, I never thought I could meet him. He moved to my city :) It was totally unbelievable and unexpected!

My sister was a big fan of him and always wanted someone like him as my life partner. But bad timings I am already dating someone so no little bit chance also. I should totally stay away from him. I used to find him intimidating somehow and didn't want him to mess my thoughts. 

 

Dating in July

I am taking a break from dating. It is so so tiring. I want someone like the fictional character Rafael in my life. I don't think that I would like someone like the fictional character Micheal. I mean my brain does think a character like Micheal is the right one. But then I find those people to be boring and then get attracted to someone like Rafael in the series.

Hey god! It's August and still, I am not able to find THe One guy who is right for me!! Please send someone like Rafael in my life even though I think I need Micheal please go against me and grant me my wish :)

 

Updates...

I have never dated so many people like I have dated this year! I met actually three guys this year and didn't actually like much. I did like the idea of someone but in reality I didn't like that much anyone.

Don't remind me of the RJ that is the only thing which I keep reminding me that I may not like him but kind of the idea of him being a great person. Somehow my parents know that I have a kind of soft corner for him but  that's it whenever I have completely forgotten the slightest  mention of him makes me overthink about it. 

The thing which won't work out is that I get along with the folks from Pune and people who know Marathi and my past dating history tells that somehow things don't work out for me with the Virgio guys. So overall dating RJ is totally bad idea and it will screw things with our families. So best bet never to date RJ and just keep the nice image or idea of him in my head. It's best not to date him!

No one should know your deepest secrets sometimes even my sister or my parents. I feel my mom had told this to my aunt and so my aunt is like ask her to accept my fb request because my aunt has added him. They seriously think that I am so despo? I am not, I like him as an idea and it doesn't matter to me if I actually meet him or not. I have realized that dating him is not a good idea for sure and I have seen many signs which surely tell that its not a good idea.

Now I think I didnt actually like Shrirang too just the idea but I got so deep into that idea that I had blindfolded myself from seeing the reality. And reality says that it would be wrong for you to compromise I should also think myself as a individual. And the wisest decision is to date someone from Boston or max NYC. So currently I am dating someone from NYC, seems to be wise guy. He is planning to come to meet me this month which is good considering that I had just started dating him.

I was planning to attend speed dating event in Boston. Now I don't mind even dating American guy. I am kind of totally done with all the Indian guys. Might be an experience will be kind of out of my comfort zone but this is like you have to do it or else you might miss out on the nice guy out there that thing! Before I actually give up on my plan to marry anyone and just focus on my life ahead.

I think I should get my own home! Atleast I can do that before I turn 30. I would be happy that at least i have bought my own house and car though it won't be expensive but having something of your own would be refreshing for some time atleast.