Amid Pandemic

I am feeling like I am dreaming about the life similar to Bird's box movie but its actually happening. This year I had planned so much. From switching a job, to buying a house and at least seriously date someone if not marry. Sonaki and me even prioritized our goals for a year but then covid19 happened and now we have to re-prioritize it again :( So now the biggest priority for us is to save our job. I know its going to hit hard on the economy and I can't turn blind eye and imagine its never going to happen. In between my mom keeps urging to talk to guys whom I get request from matrimony site or either ping Vishal but I don't want to amid this wave of uncertainty. Both of which I am not going to do. Better than talking or chatting virtually I would instead hangout with my friends or talk to my family. Worried also about Ro, he works indirectly with airlines in Germany hope he is fine and also his job is secure. In US the layoffs are very common but in Germany I am not sure.

My priority is now is to focus on my job and study. And also force my sister to study computer science topics. As soon as everything will get stabilize will like to meet Ro atleast for last time. Might be I have never officially dated him but he was the indirect motivator in my life and for that I have to thank him. Buy house in US or India I think I can clear my house loan if I buy loan though it would be little stressful but that's my wishlist. Earlier I was thinking of first getting married and then prioritizing but now I have chucked off marriage from my list and now things are getting better I am able to think clear and plan things accordingly. I am not of the person who would leave things on destiny. I like to take things in my hand and plan accordingly.

Also I don't think US is doing good job in handling pandemic. One side is economy and other side is virus though US has money we are not managing it properly. So worst case might be I have to return back to India or die in covid19.

SO LIFE is TOO SHORT appreciate what time you actually have than cursing what you don't have.

I know as my sis says my wishlist would never be consistent would always be changing. But atleast I can make smaller achievable wishlist.

My WishList:

1. Buy & decorate house (swing is must)
2. Wear famous designer dress (Sabyasachi, Anita Dogra designed)
3. Visit Denmark.Germany.Fiji
4. Atleast fix some failures or do some enhancement in opensource "linux kernel" code kind of work with Linus Torvald
5. Open Chai & Book store kind of concept (no coffee & book) because I love tea than coffee
6. Meet muskaan..i am big time fan of her fanfics.
7 . I want to adopt a girl and name her Sia atleast till I reach 30. Might be because I really want to be mother more than a wife.

<to be continued>

First date: MayBe

I think I need to reset my parameters to search my life partner. Like my car people told AWD is mandatory and then I started limiting my options to AWD car. Which later I did discard and thought on the features which I actually actually want and not just because people have told me to. But now I think here the analogy to AWD is the caste which I think is not necessary, my parents say its important just to eliminate the risk of divorce but I think we don't have any control on life. Life is not in my hand and I had the long time wish to date someone might be it would work and might be it wont we can just be friends. But atleast my wish to date someone would be ticked and that would make me happy.

So this weekend someone actually asked me out for lunch/dinner. Funny thing is I don't know much about him and kind of going on blind date. He had asked me for rock climbing initially but then I denied because I am really scared of heights and don't want to do something  which I am really scared of. And then Aman asked me for lunch or dinner which I agreed. Off course, I would pursue for lunch and dinner is not an option. I know this won't work out because he is from Amazon and I have a very bad history with Amazon as a company and also with guys from Amazon it never works out in my case. I did agree just for my experience and wish list to go on date.  

Gaurav with whom I was talking initially first did show some interest in meeting me but now I don't think he interested in meeting which is kind of confusing but I can't be in a confused and hopeful state. I did like Gaurav he had all the qualities which i was looking even though I think little shorter than me I was ready to ignore that fact due to all other qualities. Even my parents liked him. But now he is delaying the meeting which might affect my wish to get married this December. If it doesn't work out then I have to again start looking for guys from scratch which would be very late. So I have accepted to go out on lunch with Aman. 

Relationships are really confusing and finding the life partner till Dec is a challenge. Dec is not any hardcore deadline set by anyone its just my wish to get married till I am 28 years. And in India people usually get married in between Dec - Feb. Even if I don't get married but still I would be happy because I have made some efforts to achieve what I actually want. I might just adopt one child because I want to be mother more than a wife.

Again after watching my favorite movie "Jab We Met" I have started believing it -
"What we actually actually wish from our heart we get it"

Movies and books totally influence me :(


Now back to work @NK. Life is so difficult na have to involve emotionally to find a life partner, study harder to switch for high paying job, work hard to be in par with colleagues, be fit to eat what we wish to eat and what we wish to wear and all also actually do and learn what you loved or wish to do. For me its playing badminton, going on vacation visiting new places understanding new culture, going on adventure though little scary one are the things which makes me happy!


Update:
My first date didn't happen I didn't msg him that day because was not sure so instead went out with my friend for dinner and on Sunday visited with same friend witch museum. Had fun! We even did some things out of box such as visiting an Psychic and had our reading which offcourse I don't believe. She told that I won't get married this year due to some reasons :( pakka it might be due to this coronavirus. We even had plans to do photoshoot together in witch outfits but our bad the shop got closed early.

Update 2:
We had rescheduled our date to next Saturday and this time we had decided to go on hiking and have lunch. But it got cancelled again due to coronavirus lockout kind of situation. So I think I kind of have bad luck in meeting or dating anyone!

I think its ok to meet people who stay nearby I could atleast meet someone I am done with texting and calling I think its waste of time. Earlier I used to text but later I got bored so I then tried calling which again didn't work out. So this time I have stopped texting and calling and now its directly meeting anyone rather than wasting my precious time which I could I have spent in reading some awesome fanfics or chitchatting with the close ones.

Anyway dating chats and all I need to stop for sometime I could just do some timewaste when got bored kind of might be I may find someone serious but else I need to focus on wishlist I had focused earlier before coming back from my India trip.