Anonymous email

Yesterday night I wrote an email especially an "Anonymous email" to RJ telling him that I like him.
Hope it should go into his spam mail but corner of my little heart secretly hopes that he should read it.

This is the mail which I wrote him:

<>

I think I like you. You might not even know me so don't stress out remembering it.

My friends say that its better to tell that person whom you really like than regretting

it so here I am letting you know. Just sending it anonymously because its not

going to work.

. . . . .

. . . . .

<>

The thing is I am talking to many people but I don't feel they are meant to be. For whom I feel I should say it na.

So here i am telling him what i feel about him. Might be it would never be read because i don't even know what's his mail id is. I just randomly dropped an email guessing to be his. 

I think I am taking an efforts to make relationship work but do I really like them? Them are the people whom I am actually talking to or kind of dating. No I don't like them. So I thought why not to take some efforts for the person who is worth and I really like for who he is! Few weeks back I had called him but didn't had guts to actually speak on phone. So what I couldn't say I wrote it. 

I have even deleted the number from my phone and the book, so I won't be tempted to call. Mail would be the last one. I believe that if we want something and if its meant to be then universe will fight against all odds and make it happen. Hope he would join dots and call me back on my office number which I had used to call him few days back or it was never meant to be. And I could move on and meet and talk to the new people with open mind than just regretting that I could have at least made some effort.

Tick list:
- Writing someone a letter telling about my feelings (Done)

I am happy though for telling my feeling to someone in actual to the person I actually liked!
This is one of the things which I haven't shared with my sissy definitely she is going to kill me
if I tell her. I did told her I wrote an letter or email but didn't tell it was RJ she feels he is not right one for me. I mean he is the right guy but marriage is the bonding of family as well as the person. And his family and my family won't ever be happy.

Life is all about moving ahead. We meet new peoples, create new memories. Might I did wish him to find purpose of life but did I know purpose of my life. Might be its the time to close the chapter of my life. And open new chapter of life looking forward!

P.S: If he ever callbacks on my office number then my stupid voice message would say my name :( So much of calling anonymously :( I can't reveal my name to him my bad my self respect would go in drain hai na !!! :( :( Else I was planning to write him a  second mail but now I have to let go of it and think practical...

I am planning to move to Cali but have too much on my plate. My sis seriously thinks that its the bad decision.
I had a dream of staying next to his house. I had almost had dreams of him for 4-5 times after writing an email :(. Offcourse I know his address hope it doesn't make me super creepy person I just found it by chance. But anyway the point is should I try or let it go?

But god should give atleast one signal that its ok to take risk ....

Is Ravan really bad?

I didn't know that answers which I am seeking were inside the book of Ravan written by Amish.
Might be the back of the mind I always knew the answer and might be I didn't want to acknowledge it.

Currently I am in love with this book.

<Poem from that book>

The Clouds rush to the
Mountain,
they caress him gently,
they fight for his attention,
they rise to kiss his lips.
The Clouds believe the Mountain is smitten,
that he stands so high to not let them pass,
that he stands uncomfortably still, with rishi-like repose,
because he waits for their return every year.
There’s no doubt in their mind:
The Mountain loves them.
It’s sad that they’ll never know
that the Mountain doesn’t care for them,
he only wants the nourishing rain they carry,
he doesn’t nudge them up to kiss them,
he does it to break them and get what he wants,
and by the time they understand,
it’s too late.
It’s sad that no Cloud survives to warn the others.
The River rushes to the Sea,
her instincts tell her this is her destiny.
She’s grown up on stories of love,
on tales of blind and illogical passion,
and she’s in too much of a hurry to meet
her lover, to feel rather than think.
But when she sees the Sea,
his immensity, depth, power,
she hesitates and meanders.
But her innate romanticism wins,
And she flows happily into his arms.
It’s sad that she’ll never know
that the Sea doesn’t love her,
that the Sea is too lost in his own grandiosity
to even notice the River.
That her loving embrace doesn’t change the Sea,
that the water she received as a gift from the Sea
was actually given to her by a philanthropic Sun.

And then there’s the Earth.
Unlike the others, she thinks more than feels,
Her mind is more powerful than her heart,
She sees the Sun,
Luminous and spirited, alone and magnificent,
Has so much and is so wasteful with it.
The Earth, being smart,
Uses the Sun’s wasted energy,
Nourishes herself and grows,
in character, in mind, body and spirit.
She marvels at her own brilliance
and what she’s done with her life.
She fears the Sun and his immense power,
and detests the way he lavishes his God-given gifts.
It’s sad that she’ll never know that the Sun could have left,
Yet he stands there all alone, so that he can give to the Earth.
He burns himself, so she may benefit from it,
He wants to come closer, but he knows he can’t,
He knows his passion is so strong that he’ll hurt her,
So he stands apart and admires his Lady.
It’s sad that no one’s around to tell the Earth
Tell her just how much the Sun loves her.
<>

People have said that Sita the second part is the best might be I will hold till Thursday to read it. After many years I had that serine feeling of reading continuously that's beauty of  the book which holds us together.

In a spur of moment I called RJ today and I listened to his voice it was so confused but to me it was refreshing I felt nice. I felt calm and happy just like that. I think small small things matters to us lot. I have been planning to call from almost a year or two and didn't knew how to but finally randomly I discussed this with my friend who suggested me to call from my office number.

I thought over a span of months and then understood over a span of time that I don't trust anyone rather than Vishal and RJ. RJ I am still not sure though, he might be bad.


..... continued