Let go of things

I know its difficult but I have to let go of things. But I think its for better I think. Because I am still me and I have to start fresh. But my sister told me na that I really needed some real heartbreak because that's what I want to experience. I don't regret whatever time I had dated him. But life is about moving ahead.  I mean I became better person, little intelligent and want to chase my dreams. One mistake I did was weaving the dreams of future me being married which should I have replaced with me being an entrepreneur. Yeah but then how could I probably I had the heartbreak then. Anyway everything have pros and cons. Might be I should just ignore the cons and just focus on pros.

From tomorrow its the fresh start again back to square again! 

Recently I read an article of manifestation. I want to be in an relationship of my dreams so best I think I should envision one. One thing I am not sure is my relationship. My sister thinks that my thoughts move in extremists. 

Sometimes I just wonder what life I would had if I had dated RJ. I think Shrirang is way too workaholic and will I be happy in near future? I want someone who can balance life and work. And for me someone has time. Work is passion but all the relations are the base for survival. I know time is precious but sometimes in one corner of my mind it just feels like I should atleast meet RJ. From many years I had dreamt of RJ so why not just meet him once atleast?

Our families would have been happy and me too. Little bit my father would had issues with RJ's family. But I have trust on RJ without meeting him or never knowing him. 

I had to  work hard too forget Shrirang and stop weaving dreams else it could have hurt me in long term. It was anyway disturbing me because he was not giving commitment. And I don't like who would take me for granted it better to move ahead than be foolish to wait and get dumped. I don't regret dating him. And it has been my best 6 months. 

Should I try manifesting RJ in my life? Does he have a girlfriend? :( I somehow think he is perfect fit for me. Relationships why are they tough? I just want simple things in my life. Most important is honesty, respect and TIME. 

Vishal was nice guy and also his parents were nice. But the time when I was dating him I still used to think about RJ so didn't give time in dating. And somewhat we didn't had that bonding.

But dating Shrirang was different. I actually gave my 100% to the relationship. But if it didn't work then definitely it was not meant to be. At some point  I even deleted all RJs memories to give my best to this relationship. But then it started fading out. And now I wonder again where am I? And what I am doing? I should get go and search for the right person rather than just waiting on fate to decide. It doesn't mean that I don't like him more. It just that I don't like the feeling of being taken for granted. Might be I am just dreamer who dreams of finding someone right for me.

Dating RJ would have been easy as we would be on similar pages of life struggling, exploring in career. So both trying to save money on our dream house. Off course I don't imagine to buy big house a small condo is doable. I just like creating the small world. Both motivating each other in career and travelling together. But main conflict would have been dealing with both of the families. My parents definitely hated his parents and off course I would had language barrier to talk to his parents. His mom would definitely would have hated me. I don't know to speak Kannada na. In childhood only they used to say why don't I learn the language and all. 

With Shrirang we both are at different pages of our life and we want different things I am still struggling and learning in my career. I try to save money just for my dream small house. I like to save money by cooking at home rather than going out. I do spend money on shopping things for house or pretty dresses. But I am trying minimalism nowadays which hope so I would be able to achieve. I doubt if our families would go along or not. Both are different kind of peoples our cultures are not so similar and also the relatives.

Hope I would find a way out and find what I actually want in coming days.